Maa

Jab Kadam dagmagaye, Jab dil dehal jaye
Mujhe dhund Lena, mai yahi rahungi

Jab nind na aye, Jab bechani si chhaye
Awaz de dena, mai yahi rahungi

Gam ka andhera pad jaye ya khushiyon ka sawera dhal jaye
Hath to badhana, mai yahi rahungi

Dil tootega, sapne bhi tootege, bas tum na tootna
Himmat ka anchal pakdna kyuki mai yahi rahungi

Tera har dukh batne ko, Tera har dard chatne ko
Teri har khushi mai nashne ko, mai yahi rahungi

Maa hu Teri, tu mera h ansh
Bas dil mai rkhna, mai yahi rahungi.

 

Dedicated to all the beautiful and loving mothers out there.

We don’t say it enough, but we love you!

Saturday, July 9

Hey Dear,

Ahh! I turn 30 today. 3-0! That’s pretty old haan? 30 years of life and experiences. 30 years of love and loss. 30 years of fear and passion. 30, I might take like 30 days to sink in that truth. I am 30 today.

It was a pretty good day at work today. I wore my red dress. THE RED DRESS! I sure turned heads today. Specially the pervert Anuj. As always, he didn’t miss the opportunity to feel my body while wishing me for the day. He came shouting through the door and while all I wanted to do was a handshake, he hugged me. Tight enough to feel my breasts against his body. His inappropriate actions have become such a routine like the morning coffee now that I actually have started enjoying it. Or may be I have just given up! Whatever! The highlight of the day was the charming Rishi. Ohh.. He is so cute! Tall, dark and those hazel eyes full of life. All I want is to grab him by the collar and kiss him as it’s the end of the world. But then the thought of my loving husband overpowers.

I took half of the day off today to pamper myself at the salon, after all, it was my 30th. I deserve that, don’t I? I thought of getting a nice spa and some mani-pedi. And then spend a good enough time to curate my emotions and memories today for you. But who knew my dear husband had other plans for me. As I entered the house, the floor was all laid with fine rose petals and there were candles all over. The candles brightened up the place, kept dark on purpose, so beautifully. There was soft music in the background and the place was pleasantly smelling good. It was such a good sight to see Krish finally making such a great gesture after 5 years of marriage.

Remember the last time we talked? Remember I told you about Krish’s and my fight? Ahh that was an ugly one. It was a near divorce situation there. Well, things got better since then. He started treating as his wife and not just another friend to chill with or his nany to take care of him. I always knew about his problem with letting someone enter his personal space or invade his so called independence. I don’t know why I married him after being treated by him like shit for years. Well, no point regretting.


As I was standing there, making peace with such a wonderful surprise my husband had planned for me, Krish grabbed by the waist out of nowhere. I got a little scared but then he started singing “Happy Birthday” in my ear. So close that I could listen to every breath of his as he sang. It was so arousing. Not just the way his lips felt on my skin but the roses and the candles and the music. Everything was turning me on. He then just pulled me towards the dinning table with him where there was a yummy looking chocolate cake, with the chocolate frosting and a lot of nuts for the decoration. He gave me the knife to cut the. The idiot got a huge kitchen knife to cut a cake. Still grabbing me tight by the waist and singing the song, he held my hand as I was cutting the cake. He then took a piece of the cake and rubbed the frosting all over my neck and a little on my lips. He then kissed me. Kissed me so passionately that it felt like it was the end of the world. Kissed me like I wanted to kiss Rishi in the office today. His hand were all over my body. I was just surrendering to the moment. It felt great. He then kissed my neck. Licked off all the cake on there. Each kiss was more passionate than before and with every kiss, I was breathing more furiously. He then gently pushed to the table, while he was his hands were grabbing my body tight and his tongue was all over my neck. As I held the table to keep my balance, my hand touched the giant knife with which I murdered the beautiful birthday cake of mine. I was about to take the knife and keep it at distance so it doesn’t hurt any one of us, when he suddenly grabbed my hair and started kissing me again, more authoritatively than romantically this time. I pushed him back gently, turned around, facing my table, undressed myself completely, took the knife and furiously turned around slitting his throat with knife. He bled to death and couldn’t even cry out for help. I felt terrible right after I did it and kissed him while he bled.


The police is on it’s way and I wanted to utilise the time before they come in. Wait for the next diary entry. May be by then I will able to tell you about my long pending job promotion. Till then, miss me!

Yours, Aarvi.

Saturday, July 9

The girl who still wants to fall in love! 

U’What the hell are you doing here?’ He was shocked to see me there to his very core. And his reaction was nothing but legitimate. It was a usual Monday for everyone until I decided to do something crazy and took a cab to visit him and surprise him 100 kms away from where we used to study together. 
To give a small background, those were the very initial days of our college and us dating. From the beginning, it wasn’t a very lovy-dovy relationship but I believed and for that matter still believe that every relationship needs time and effort to build. 
The night before the D-day, we had a fight and as usual, I was made to believe that the fight was because of my stupidity and immaturity. We had such quarrels quote often but we always just kissed them out and move forward with it. The worst part of this one was that he was not the campus premises but back in his home town when we had this fight. So, it turned a little uglier than it ever. 
I had to make up with him on this and could not wait until he was back. So being a stupid teenager that I was, I took a impulsive decision of going down to his hometown, 2 hours away from the campus, to sort things up. 
Between figuring out what to wear down and how to reach there and how to surprise him, I found a guiding angel in his best friend from school. Let’s call him ‘Dog’. :p 
We had met twice and shared a decent interaction. I explained him the situation and he very willingly offered to help me. 

Being a gentleman, he offered to pick me up from the bus stop, where the bus I was traveling via had to drop me. He arranged bus tickets for me, both ways and also cleverly made sure that my boyfriend was in town on that day. Honestly, I was relaxed after being offered the help and also quite excited for the next day. 

As everything was well figured out, except what dress I had to wear(we girls can never figure that out), I slept peacefully hoping to wake up to a loving and exciting day the next morning. 
The next day I took the bus and reached there. Dog picked me up and we went to meet my boyfriend. And how he reacted has already been mentioned above. 
‘You must be crazy to come down here?’ He said. ‘How did you figure it all out?’
‘I just has to make up for the fight, so I am here.’ I replied with love, synonym of stupidity, overflowing from every part of my body. 
To my surprise, he was more annoyed and tensed than happy to see me there. I thought it was because he still held the grudge from the fight. And since dog was with us, we did not really had a chance to make things right. 
‘Mom is calling me home, something urgent has come up. I have to leave.’ He said after receiving a call as we three were enjoying a pizza at a cafe. 
‘But I still have about an hour and a half before I have to board the bus back. Can you not manage?’ I enquirer with a puppy face. 
‘No, I have to go. He will drop you till the bus stop.’ Referring to dog. ‘Bye.’ He just swiftly left, leaving me shocked and sad. 
Dog and I shared a few talks together and then left for bus stop, way before the time as we ran short of things to talk about. 
We were driving towards the bus stop when he decided to take a detour and took the car to a relatively lonely road. I immediately sensed something fishy and strongly opposed it. 
‘Arre, don’t worry. It’s just another route.’ He assured me. But I was continuously nagged and asked him to drop as soon as possible until when he stopped the car at a strange location and said 
‘I will drop you after we make out.’ 
Shocked and frightened, I could not think of anything. I looked around and all I could see was some semi-developed building. 
I thought of getting out of the car but I knew I would never able to reach back if I did so. 

And that left me with the only option, talking him out of it. 

‘I am your best friend’s girlfriend. Don’t do that to me.’ I said 
‘He will never know, come on.’ He said as he grabbed my arm and leaned forward. 
‘Please don’t do this, you are a friend.’ I cried
And then he forced himself on me, trying to kiss me as I used all my energy to resist. He touched me inappropriately and tightly held my head to kiss me. I used all the tools at my disposal like my nails to hurt him and trying to keep him away. Being the strong one, he wouldn’t let the situation go and forced himself harder every time I hurt his ego. After a lot of rebel I had lost my emotional control and yelled on the top of my voice “Anyone can force himself on a lonely girl, it takes to be a man enough to charm one.” 
It took a few words to hurt him in the balls in response to all the force he used on me. 
Yes, I was molested by my boyfriend’s best friend. And this changed me and my opinion about men on whole for the rest of my life. Even today when I travel alone, I analyse each man I come across with suspicion. Even the slightest brush against my body by a stranger feels bad. For years I didn’t allow myself to trust or love a man. I became this heartless strong bitch who cried herself to sleep almost every night. 
But the story doesn’t end here. When I told my boyfriend about it, he dumped me for cheating on him and making out with his best friend. 
And a best friend duo changed my whole perception about love, trust and friendship forever. It took me years to finally lure myself to love and trust again. 
Few years down the road, I am a independent woman with a firm believe in the power of love. 
The story is based on a candid confession by the girl who still wants to fall in love. 

Humans are the most beautiful yet complex stories. And each human being has a different start, a different end and a different plot. Dil-e-jugnoo is trying to curate the humans who want to share thier untold stories with world. 

Write us at boringdivyata@gmail.com if you have one such story.