Wonder-lust

I wonder! 

That when I randomly cross someone walking down the street, they look back at me and hope for me to look back. 

That when I smile at a stranger, they remember later in the day and smile for no reason. 

I wonder! 

That when I strike a candid conversation with someone, they later tell their friends that what a great person I am to talk to. 

That if I ever randomly get noticed. And if I am later remembered. 

I wonder! 

That when there is a friendship budding somewhere, they feel good about it. Look forward to talk to me. May be blush a little. 

That when I am blabbering about anything and everything under the sun, they notice my silly, small habbits. The way I get shy away to look into their eyes. Or get anxious when they try to compliment me. 

I wonder! 

That if they get a feeling of void when I am not around. Wanting me to be there. By their side. 

That when they are in a middle of a task or a conversation, something reminds them of me and they wish for me to be there. 

I wonder! 

That if a thought of me can get someone butterflies in their stomach. Or probably just a small smile on their face. 

That if they have some memory of me, And if they play that memory on repeat in their head. Over and over again. 

I wonder!

That if they skip a beat or get jitters before talking to me. 

That if they plan and practice for the conversation they want to have with me. 

I wonder! 

That if they think that I am the best kiss they have ever had. The most romantic one, probably. 

That they wait for the moment we sink into each other. And when we do, they pray for the moment to never end. 

I wonder! 

That if they think of letting go their high walls when with me. Or peep into mine. 

That if they feel comfortable in my arms. If they want to be held forever. Or have the courage to hold me. 

I wonder! 

But we all do. Don’t we? 

Probably this is all that we wonder about. Lust over! 

And that’s my Wonder-Lust!

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My Open Letter To Mumbai!

Ye Shehar kabhi sota Nahi, par ise Jagne ki zarurat h

Bechaini Bhari ankhain ko, duniya ko tatolti, Shanti ki zarurat h

Paani ki Tarah behti jaa Rae h iski zindagi, ise sehjata ki zarurat h

Ye shehar kabhi sota ni, par ise jagne ki zarurat h

Mana chalti ka naam h Gaadi, par gaadi ko thamne ki zarurat h

Na apno k lye na apne lye waqt h iske pas, ise Lamho ko Rokne ki zarurat h

Manzil bhi khoobsurat h iski, raah bhi, par usse raste ko bhi takkne ki zarurat h

Ye shehar kabhi sota Nahi, par ise jagne ki zarurat h

Sab log koh gye h iski Chamak Dhamak mai, par ise khud ko andhere mai dhundne ki zarurat h

Apni parchayi se bhi darte h yahan log, ise apne zameer ko tatolne ki zarurat h

Bhagde todte is shehar k logon ko, Kuchh pal k lye rukne ki zarurat h

Ye shehar kabhi sota Nahi, par is jagne ki zarurat h

Ek Roz Ki Kahani

Ek roz ankh khuli to

Suraj ki chamak mai ek andhera sa paya

Hawa ko berukha sa paya

Chidya ki chehchahat ko chhekhon sa paya

Ek roz ankh khuli to khud ko akela sa paya! 

Tumhare uss har wade mai chuppe fareb ko paya

Tumhari ankhon mai khoj k bhi sachhai ko na paya

Tumhare dhokhe ki nishaani ko nasoor sa paya

Ek roz ankh khuli to khud ko akela sa paya!

“Hogi koi uski bhi majboori” –  khud ko smjhaya

Toote dil ka dard na chehre pe dikhaya

Ankhon mai nami par hoton ko muskurate huye paya

Ek roz ankh khuli to khud ko akela sa paya!

Dukh mujhe tumhe khone ka nahi aya

Taras to mujhe apne bikharte bharose pe aya

Tum to chaldiye aage, mera ek dafa bhi dhyaan na aya

Par mere maine fir kabhi bhi khud mai pyaar ko na paya

Ek roz ankh khuli to khud ko akela sa paya! 

 

 

 

The song of Dawn

Let’s meet at the break of dawn!
When the day and night romance as I wish we did! When the world is asleep but we can be awake, gazing at each other!

Let’s meet at the break of dawn! When the moon’s love for sun is as pure as mine for you! When the darkness welcomes light with open arms as I wish you do!

Let’s meet at the break of dawn! When I could just be me, as the sky does. And touch you as the mountains touch the sky! When there could exist a world, where you can love me as I love you!

Let’s meet at the break of dawn

The Autumn of Life

Don’t you love self-destruction. Like you love the Autumn.

Everything falling apart and yet it is a beautiful sight.

And unlike autumn, we do it everyday. 

To put yourself to pain until it gets numb. 

To feel the pain of something so much that nothing else can compete it. 

There is a happiness, a sense of satisfaction to hurt yourself and cry over it. 

As bad as it sound, it is fulfilling. 

The Autumn of Life
The Autumn of Life

No, don’t take me wrong. By self-destruction I don’t mean to physically hurt yourself. 

I don’t mean to cut yourself in the places it hurts the most. 

Nor do I mean to drink until you zone out or smoke to death. 

Self-destruction is way different than self-harm.

It’s better and it’s worse. 

When you type and delete and re-type and delete that one text message over and over again, you are doing enough of self-destruction. 

When you build a high and hard wall all around you, that no one is allowed to peep through, the destruction is done. 

When you refuse to fall in love or when you fall in love too much and too deep, it is destruction. 

When you don’t say what you feel or you don’t feel what you say. When there is a shiny smile on that dull face. 

And, when hurt others just to not get hurt yourself, you are destructed. 

When you just cry yourself to sleep when you know you can talk to them. 

And smile when it is absolutely okay to cry, baby, that is self-destruction 

It’s all self-destructive and painful. But isn’t the pain beautiful? 

Just like the Autumn is beautiful? 

Love story of a Mountain!

I have always found mountains very enduring. High they stand, bold and tough. Seems that nothing can move them, nothing can make them smile or break them up. The tough, hard mountains.

But then they make love with the nature. They kiss the sky, embed the flora and fauna within themselves, touch the winds smoothly and smile. The beautiful love story begins and all we can do is smile at them until the moment when the same nature hits them hard. The sky starts to roar, the winds change the direction and love changes to a war. The nature brutally betrays the mountains.

And this is when the mountains breaks down. Hurt and saddened, they loose their themselves to the betrayal of nature and can’t hold it in anymore and they break down into pieces to never get back together. The beautiful love story of the hard tough mountain ends with tears!

 

You see what love can do? And you asked that person why he/she couldn’t fall in love?

Smiles of Sorrow

Sorrow and I, make love every night!
Touching each other through the souls,
Loving every bit of other’s pain!
We kiss deep, not to forget
We kiss deep, to love the pain!
I hear the cries when it whispers the betrayal story
And it sees mine in my smile!
We love the pain, we love the betrayal
We love the cries and the stories!
Sorrow and I, make love every night!

Maa

Jab Kadam dagmagaye, Jab dil dehal jaye
Mujhe dhund Lena, mai yahi rahungi

Jab nind na aye, Jab bechani si chhaye
Awaz de dena, mai yahi rahungi

Gam ka andhera pad jaye ya khushiyon ka sawera dhal jaye
Hath to badhana, mai yahi rahungi

Dil tootega, sapne bhi tootege, bas tum na tootna
Himmat ka anchal pakdna kyuki mai yahi rahungi

Tera har dukh batne ko, Tera har dard chatne ko
Teri har khushi mai nashne ko, mai yahi rahungi

Maa hu Teri, tu mera h ansh
Bas dil mai rkhna, mai yahi rahungi.

 

Dedicated to all the beautiful and loving mothers out there.

We don’t say it enough, but we love you!

It was still Love!

Awkward silence, million giggles and a tender kiss
Their first date was prettier than the pretty picture
Even if it didn’t last forever, it was still love!

She peaked into his soul and he was happily striping
To him she was like mystery he was unraveling
Even if it didn’t last forever, it was still love!

They met once, they met again and the agains were many
Each time, they kissed harder, touched deeper than any
Even if it didn’t last forever, it was still love!

She wanted forever and he couldn’t want
The agains vanished, the kisses ended and they decided on ‘We can’t’
Even if it didn’t last forever, it was still love!

They missed the giggles, the awkward silences and the odour of other
The pain was trenching but the lips didn’t talk and the eyes didn’t bother
Even if it didn’t last forever, it was still love!

Down the line, they met again
The silences were still awkward but the hearts were in pain
Even if it didn’t last forever, it was still love!

They talked and laughed, they kiss and touch
The eyes refused to see another and the heart felt the warmth much
Even if it didn’t last forever, it was still love!

They ignored what the eyes told, what the heart said
They believed what the mind made and fed
Even if it didn’t last forever, it was still love!

They knew it was love, but they knew it wasn’t forever
But why? Why their love couldn’t be forever?

My Best Friend’s Wedding Day!

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‘The footwear don’t go with your dress. Wear my blue ones. They are in my closet.’ – Sheena instructed me while the parlour lady was fixing up her make up for her sangeet ceremony.

‘I hate you! I so liked these footwear’ I faintly protested though I knew that now she has rejected these pair of footwear, I will never even touch them again.

‘Wear them at your own wedding then, not at mine.’ She said, not being able to express her emotions properly as she was a prisoner to the parlour lady at that moment.

I silently grabbed the blue footwear from her closet and changed, obsessing about the fact that 2 days down the line, she will not be around to validate my footwear choices.

I met Sheena 10 years ago, when she moved to my neighbourhood. Teenager, pretty and smart, she had her own lively and interesting persona. Though we were totally different in a lot ways, we were also just alike in many other. I remember the first time we went for a walk to bond and stuff and we talked about life in depth and detail and yes, it was friendship at first walk!

‘Don’t I look hot?’ She asked me.

‘Not at all.’ I said and then she we just hugged, feeling the emotions we generally don’t curate in words. And then we just left her house to celebrate her last night of bachelorette-hood in full Punjabi style.

When we reached the venue, everyone’s eye was on the-bride-to-be, who by the way, looked absolutely stunning!
Everyone rushed towards, hugging and congratulating Sheena and I stepped back from right by her side so that she could enjoy and cherish all the attention.

‘Dhara, come here! Help me with my lehnga.’ Sheena called me and extended her hand for me to grab it. As soon as I reached her, Sameer came rushing down and grabbed her hand and hugged her. And the room was full of cheers for the most adorable, cute couple!

I have never seen any guy making Sheena as happy as Sameer did. Not that she had been with a lot of them, but whatever 20-30 were there, no one was ever close to the loving and caring gentleman Sameer is.

Being the big fat Punjabi wedding it was, everyone from the Groom’s and Bride’s family was dancing, drinking and eating. Sheena’s and Sameer’s cousins prepared dance performances and Sheena’s parents had the biggest smiles in the place.

And there I was, standing in the corner, looking at the happy couple and also fiddling through faces to find some handsome guy. Meanwhile, I had a brief eye contact with the pretty bride and I knew that in that moment, all she was looking was were a few shots of vodka. And being the good friend as always, I took two of them, headed to her and gave her one.

‘On three’ I said. And she smiled

‘One, two, three’ I said and we both emptied the Vodka shots down our throats.

Throughout these years, we have been friends in need. We have shared endless laughters, soul soothing silences and pieces of a little wisdom and knowledge we both posses. We have talked about guys, clothes, world politics, cricket and everything that one can think of and never got bored of each other. We might have never expressed as much as we should, but we have felt extremely lucky to have found each other. I still do!

After an exhausting but ultimate fun sangeet ceremony, we came home, all exhausted and tired and all we still wanted to do was grab and a couple of beers and talk! And so we did. We talked about Sameer. We talked about her honeymoon. We decided her sex clothes also her regular clothes. We talked about everything but none of us mentioned about how much we were gonna miss each other because we were sure and determined to stay in touch like always, till the end of time.

Around 4 am, Sameer called her, may to flirt. I can’t forget the huge smile she had while she was on the call.

‘Now get off the phone and let me talk to my friend’ she said few minutes into the call and our chit-chat continued till the dusk. It was a I guess the shortest night ever for me!
It was finally my best friend’s wedding day!

Oh I can’t explain the cocktail of emotions I had that day. But certainly, excitement and happiness were the main ingredients.

With all the ceremonies and events lined up, it was the longest day for her but with the sense of her not being next door from tomorrow, it was the shortest day for me!

After all the typical Punjabi wedding ceremonies, we went to the parlour for her to get all dolled up.

Her wedding lehnga was this yellow and blue dress with golden embroidery all over it and a pinch of pink on the borders. Unconventional as always, she chose the most stunning wedding dress ever for herself! She changed into the wedding dress and once again sat down to glue up her ass on the chair for next couple of hours. If it was at our disposal, we would just fix out eyeliner and lipstick ourselves and get married.

While the makeup was in process, she started talking
‘You know, I will miss everyone a lot’ she said

‘I know. But that life yrr. And things will get better from here.’ I made sure to keep her moral and spirits high.

‘Yeah! I am sure. Visit my mom often. She will get lonely.’ I knew this has been on the top of her mind since a long time.

‘Goes without saying.’ And I just didn’t say this to say it. I meant it.

‘I will miss you also, FYI!’ And as she said that, I felt a lump in throat.

‘Have you gone mad or what?’ I said in the highest pitch possible and we started laughing.

‘Shhhh!!! Makeup will get ruined. Please don’t laugh madam.’ The makeup artist would definitely kick me out of the place if she could.
And the moment was finally here. The most charming bride of the century was standing with her prince and now he will be her best friend, stylist, shopping buddy, psychiatrist and her best friend for life.

They had the most wonderful wedding and the vadai scene was already on. Everyone was crying, bidding her a fair well and wishing her the best for the new innings of her life. Uncle was crying the most. Seeing him being so weak and vulnerable gave me chills down my spine.

‘I don’t want to get married’ was all I was thinking.

Everyone, all her relatives and her friends were crying thinking that now she will have a different life, a different family and may be some different friends. Everyone was sure that she will get busy with her new life and their importance will fade away eventually. That’s is actually the story of every bride, at every wedding!

But I stood in the corner, making sure that not even a single drop of tear rolls down my cheek, because I was sure that nothing will ever change for us. I was determined to make every effort to be as we always have been. I was sure that she will make every effort to be as she has been. And I was just too happy for my best friend and her new life to shed a tear.

I hugged her just before she was going to sit in the car.

‘Sameer’s has a hot cousin. He has a beard too. I will fix you two up soon.’ She whispered in my ear.

And all I could do was hug her tighter. And then she was going. With moist eyes and a wide smile. Peeking out of the window and waving everyone goodbye. She looked at me and I gave her a thumpsup with the naughtiest smile ever, thinking ‘Yes, you are having sex soon.’

As always, she understood everything without me having saying a word and laughed. I laughed too. I laughed until I could see her vanishing into the light of dusk!